Using Emotional Literacy to Help Children Name Their Emotions
As babies, we cry because we are scared, hungry, lonely, or uncomfortable. We can’t say ‘Mom I want food’ so we just cry, it’s survival instinct. As children, big emotions are just that, BIG. We don’t always have the emotional literacy skills to label what we are feeling, the cognitive ability to understand why we are feeling that way, or the skills to vocalize and describe what is going on for us. From childhood to adulthood, we grow in these abilities. This doesn’t mean that we necessarily have a fully comprehensive understanding of our emotions but we are able to recognize them and communicate better. For this reason and for this blog, I will be splitting it into two parts. The first part will be focused on our own emotional literacy, expanding our understanding of emotions. The second will be focused on naming emotions and assisting children to better label and communicate their emotions.
Basic Emotional Literacy
Claude Steiner wrote extensively about this topic, stating that emotional literacy is “the ability to understand your emotions, the ability to listen to others and empathize with their emotions, and the ability to express emotions productively.” He also broke it down into five different elements:
Knowing your feelings
Either as a parent or just as a human being, it is important to understand our feelings. Mindfulness and increasing awareness of our body, can help to strengthen the connection between our minds and bodies, which increases our understanding of ourselves.
Having a sense of empathy
Empathy is the ability to understand the emotions of another being. Empathy helps us to connect with others, create trusting relationships, and deepen our bonds with those around us. By understanding other people’s emotions, we can learn to better understand our own. Empathy for others can also allow for empathy for ourselves, which helps to mitigate shame or guilt.
Learning to manage your emotions
When we are able to regulate our emotions, everything changes. Our window of tolerance increases, we feel calmer in stressful situations, we are able to understand ourselves better, and we are able to communicate better with those around us. As parents, it is especially important to work on this area. Kids experience very big emotions and lean on their parents to help them learn how to regulate their own emotions AND to regulate for them. It can be incredibly difficult to manage emotions in difficult or high-stress situations but just like any muscle, as we continue to work it, our abilities grow.
Repairing emotional problems
The ability to repair emotional problems; both our own and also conflicts and issues in our relationships. The skills and abilities to grow and heal as people, so that way we react in more positive ways. This may be through understanding our own traumas and how that impacts our relationships and decisions, or working to develop stronger coping mechanisms and skills to process our emotions in a way that is more effective and adaptive.
Emotional interactivity
Emotional interactivity is the way in which emotions interact with and impact each other. Being able to understand your emotions and another person’s emotions and how they interact with each other. This dictates behaviors and reactions which can have large impacts on our relationships.
Naming Emotions
Children rely on their parents to help regulate their emotions, learn about their emotions, and understand them. Parents can use strategies such as naming emotions to assist children in their development of emotional literacy and understanding. When a child is frustrated or angry, it can be helpful to identify and name their emotion in that moment, such as saying “You’re frustrated right now.” While this may seem simple, the child feels seen and understood, and also continues to learn more about their own emotions.
Some more examples might be:
“You’re upset because I was rushing you to get to school”
“You’re feeling nervous about going to this new place”
“You’re feeling so proud of yourself”
“You’re feeling unsure about what you want”
Tools such as the feelings wheel or the emotion thermometer can be used to help children further describe their emotions by expanding their vocabulary as it relates to their feelings. There are feelings cards that can be beneficial in helping children identify and recognize emotions, as well as toys made with different expressions and names of emotions. Visuals and toys can be helpful in expressing feelings because they provide options and opportunities for children to express in a way that may feel more comfortable to them.
Written by Gracen Kelly, Candidate for Masters in Clinical Mental Health Counseling
