How To Break The Pattern Of Perfectionism
“Perfectionism is the voice of the oppressor, the enemy of the people. It will keep you cramped and insane your whole life, and it is the main obstacle between you and a shitty first draft. I think perfectionism is based on the obsessive belief that if you run carefully enough, hitting each stepping-stone just right, you won't have to die. The truth is that you will die anyway and that a lot of people who aren't even looking at their feet are going to do a whole lot better than you, and have a lot more fun while they're doing it.” - Anne Lamott
There is a distinguished difference between being a high-achieving person and being a perfectionist. A high achiever strives to perform their best without fear of failure, looking solely at their motivation to succeed. Perfectionists become paralyzed within their fear of failure that they become overly obsessed with a concept that is far too difficult to succeed in 100% of the time.
If you are someone who struggles with perfectionism, you are among many others in the world who are just like you. Perfectionism is an unhealthy habit and trait that can lead to toxic behaviors and thought patterns which need to be broken. Perfectionism is highly associated with levels of depression and anxiety especially in young adults. So how do we break this pattern of perfectionism? You will have to fight a deep mental battle.
Within perfectionism, that is a glimpse of positivity such as motivation and achievement, but we have to weed out the weight of negatives to focus on the positives. Wanting everything to be perfect often leads to negative views on ourselves and what we are working on. This can be a difficult pattern to break, but start to notice small positives in everything you are doing. Notice how much time you are spending on it, or if you are procrastinating. Become aware of the talent you have used to do what you are doing. Start to take less time either procrastinating or picking apart every detail of your work. Think more big picture.
Becoming aware of your tendencies and allowing yourself to make mistakes are both huge and important goals to have with perfectionism. Participating in mindfulness exercises can help you become more aware of your perfectionist thoughts and can help you, in real time, analyze the validity and reality of those thoughts. Using positive self-talk and even writing your perfectionist thoughts or tendencies down can help you better understand how often these actions control your life.
Think in a first draft format.
Everything you do for the first time doesn’t have to be set in stone right away. Think in terms of first drafts. If you are working on something that you thought would take 3 days to complete and it only took 2, let that be okay! Don’t take an extra day just because you think there needs to be more done. Every first draft is amazing as it allows you to receive feedback to create an even better second draft, and an even better third draft. Life is a working progress, begin to shift your thinking from the final draft to the first draft.
You may feel perfectionism is a positive trait to have as it promises dedication and hard work, but with that comes fear, mental health difficulties, and impossible goals. The harder you work to become aware of these negative parts of perfectionism, the easier it will be to overcome them. We believe you have all the capabilities in the world to do this! If you need extra help, Arcadian Therapy can offer you therapeutic services that will aid in reducing perfectionist traits and lead you on a healthier path.
