How To Communicate Better With Your Kids
School is now in session. Everyone is busier, and during this time, it is critical that parents continue communication with their children no matter how crazy schedules get. Taking time to actively listen to your children can be a great way to avoid stressful situations. It is part of the human condition to want to be understood and heard so it can cause frustration when that need is not being met. Teaching your child to communicate can take time and patience, and mirroring healthy communication skills with other adults can be highly effective when kids are observing how to express their emotions and feelings.
Here are healthy ways to communicate with your children:
Reflective Listening - Mirror their language. It can help show that you are actively listening, allowing the child a chance to expand on what they just said. An added benefit is that it can help you remember what is being discussed and to be fully present in the moment. For example, your child may say, ‘Lucas didn’t share his toys with me today’. A mirroring response would look like, ‘Your friend didn’t share his toys today?’. This can lead to more discussion about the event, feelings about the event, and ways to process the situation.
Use encouraging listening statements - Phrases like ‘wow, that is fascinating’ or ‘what happened next’ show you are actively participating in the conversation and encouraging your child to continue. It opens up the pathway for your child to feel safe through kind and encouraging reactions.
Noticing statements - Being specific when providing praise can reinforce which behaviors you like and show them you are paying attention. For example, instead of the phrase ‘good job’, noticing statements can include something specific such as, ‘I noticed you worked on your homework before watching TV. Thank you for listening and completing your tasks before it’s time to relax.’ These specific noticing statements are encouraging to your child and can help them build self-confidence.
Take your own responsibility - It’s easy to fall into the habit of ‘yous’. ‘You didn’t pick up your room’ or ‘You are being rude’. Though this is common behavior, it’s important to also show responsibility for your own actions. Use ‘I’ phrases whenever possible. For example, ‘I didn’t explain the instructions well, let me try again’ or ‘Please let me focus on my work and then we can play after’. This helps relieve any blaming or accusatory feelings that can arise, making some shut down quickly.
Avoid Bribes - This is a tough one when you want a quick fix for behaviors. Things such as ‘Be quiet and I’ll give you a treat’ or ‘Come here now or you won’t be able to play video games later’ might get you what you want in the moment but this doesn’t allow for trust to be built through clear communication. Instead of ‘I will give you xyz’, explain the situation with clear instructions. For example, ‘Please be quiet as there are specific times to have fun and be loud outside and other times to lower our voices as we are in a smaller space’.
It can take a lot of energy and a lot of patience to communicate with children. Our licensed therapists can better help you and your children communicate more effectively with each other in a safe and comfortable environment.
Reach out to us to schedule an appointment with one of our masters-level and licensed counselors today.
