Ending the Year Well
For most, the holiday season is one of ups and downs. The frantic build up to Christmas Day, the fatigue of finishing end-of-year-work tasks, the stress of travel. The joy of expectation, the excitement of the tree, the contentment of a warm meal. It can also be a season of incredible pressure and disappointment when our expectations don’t match up with the reality of our lived experience. Finding peace and balance in this busy season and looking ahead to the new year with clarity isn’t impossible. It’s a matter of small, intentional habits and moments of mindfulness each day.
Slow down, even if it’s for five minutes. Instead of automatically reaching for your phone in a moment of silence, close your eyes, take a few deep breaths and practice the RAIN technique. First, recognize whatever feeling that comes up in the moment by mentally naming it. Accept and acknowledge the feeling without trying to ‘solve’ it. Investigate the feeling using your natural curiosity to understand where the feeling is in your body and what it’s trying to tell you. Nurture the feeling with empathy by talking to it and giving it the message it needs like, ‘I’m here. I’m with you. It’s not your fault.’
Look for beauty in the everyday. Tune into your senses to slow down and notice what you can smell, hear, touch, tase and smell. Cultivating every day gratitude is a simple practice of appreciating small pleasures that are easily taken for granted. This practice can be as simple as savoring the warmth of hot tea in a mug, or the softness of a blanket wrapped around your bare feet.
Acknowledge the bad. Disappointments, failures and unmet expectations were definitely part of your past year and maybe even your holiday season. But what if failures and unmet expectations give us great information? Data, if you will, about how to make different decisions for better outcomes in the future. Instead of staying stuck in the pain of disappointment, think of what message the disappointment wants to send you and how it can help you look at the reality of the situation that caused it. If you can bravely examine your disappointments, they can help you make more informed, helpful decisions going forward.
Take a kind, realistic look at the future and the past. As the year closes, kindly consider your future within the framework of purpose, instead of strict resolutions. Look past your job and your responsibilities and think about things you’re passionate about- things that you find life-giving and worth fighting for. Consider creating a written identity statement and making small decisions everyday that support you living the statement out over time. As you consider the past year’s disappointments, make sure to reflect on your successes. Making notes of work, family, hobby, and physical and mental health ‘wins’ will help you recognize your growth and resilience. As challenges arise in the next year, reminding yourself of these wins will serve as proof that you have the skills and strengths to face hardship successfully.
If, at the start of the new year, you find yourself ruminating on past disappointments or failed relationships, you may benefit from help. Working with a mental health professional is a great way to make sense of where you’ve been and where you’re going, and can help you gain the clarity, balance and peace you deserve.
Written by Katie Anthony, Marriage and Family Therapy Masters Candidate
