How to recognize chronic negative patterns in relationships

Many of us are naturally drawn to habits, routine, and patterns. This can simply be your daily cup of coffee in the morning, or always showering at nighttime. It can also be seen in relationships. We easily build patterns and behaviors within our relationships and sometimes those patterns can be difficult to break. 

Have you ever found yourself repeating the same patterns with your significant other, or in other relationships, where you continuously go in circles that lead you back to the same place? Bad relationship patterns can ultimately lead to difficult communication skills, and possibly even breaking up. Recognizing these patterns early on can help you communicate with your partner and hopefully lead to helpful solutions. 

One of the most common negative patterns seen in relationships is blaming your partner when bringing up an issue. 

Pointing the finger, or placing the blame 100% on your partner can cause your partner to feel attacked, defensive, and possibly angry or resentful. If you would like to break a habit like this, start discussing an issue by bringing up your feelings. Use “I” statements, instead of “you did this” statements. This can help you express your personal feelings and allow your partner to do the same after you. 

Don’t bottle up your feelings.

Consistent open communication is necessary to positive patterns. Simply bottling up your emotions can be detrimental to not only your mental wellbeing, but your relationship as well because soon enough it will come out. These intense emotional breakouts can lead to fights and arguments instead of small, healthy conversations.

No more redemption.

If your relationship is always redemption, whether that be that your partner is always coming back saying they will do better, or you say that, it can be an ultimate reason to stop the relationship. This type of pattern is usually chronic, and can be a sign that the relationship is not serving you or your partner well any longer. Try recognizing if this is the case, and be ready to face the challenging conversations if necessary.

We constantly like to accept toxic patterns as normal within our society, when they are far from it. These patterns can be seen generationally and societally, and we can only fix them through openness and vulnerability. If you are concerned about negative patterns in your relationships, you can call us at (615) 436-0921 and we would be happy to help you!