Five Simple Skills for Better Connection with Your Child

P.R.I.D.E. Model skills can open up doors to increase a positive relationship when you are interacting with your child every day. PRIDE skills can be used with children ages 2–7 to find different ways to connect with your children in a deeper and more meaningful way. 

PRIDE stands for Praise, Reflect, Imitate, Describe, and Enthusiasm to better communicate with your little ones so that you both can experience a more meaningful relationship. Using these skills can help create more choices and empathy with your child. 

If you want to learn more about how to use PRIDE skills, keep reading! 

Praise

The first step to the PRIDE model is to praise your children. Praise and acknowledge the behaviors you want to see from your children. By acknowledging the behaviors you want to see more of can help, you can increase those desired behaviors and let your children know which behaviors are positive. Start by praising your children for what they are already doing well and build from it. Also, make sure to label the praise to help your children feel good, increase their self-esteem, and let them know what behavior is liked. Labeled praising can look like you stating, “ I like the way you are sitting so quietly!” or “Great job keeping your hands to yourself.” When implementing consequences, try to praise your child for following through with the directions set in place. 

Reflect

The second step of the PRIDE model is to reflect back what has been said to you. You want to repeat the talk that you want to hear more of. For instance, if your child says, “ I like to play with these cars!” You can respond by saying, “These are fun cars to play with.” By reflecting to your children, it gives permission to appropriately direct the conversation and demonstrates that you are present, engaged, listening, and playing along. Lastly, it can help increase verbal communication between you and your children which will further help create a stronger bond. 

Imitate

The third step includes imitating appropriate play. Imitate the kind of play that you want to

see more of. By doing so, it allows them to lead the play and shows your children you are interested and playing along. Examples of this would look like you are watching your child draw a house or building a tower and sitting next to them and creating the same object. 

Describe

The fourth step asks you to try to describe appropriate behavior. This can look like you watching your children creating a castle, playing with cars, or even being kind to their siblings. By verbally describing what they are doing, you are reinforcing the kind of behavior you want to see going forward. Additionally, it grabs the children’s attention by describing what they are doing with their bodies as well as demonstrating your interest in their play and allows them to have a more directive approach in their play which positively impacts their development. 

Enthusiasm

The last step in the PRIDE model is enthusiasm. Try to show genuine enthusiasm and that you’re excited to play! Showing your enthusiasm can look like you saying “This is such a fun game!” or “Good job!” This can help provide children with the positive attention that they may crave. Also, it further demonstrates that you want to spend quality time with them to play along as well as serves as a way to model appropriate positive emotions and behavior. 

While implementing the PRIDE framework into your interactions with your children, there are a few things to avoid or watch out for. 

Avoid giving commands

By giving commands you might increase compliance, but it doesn’t allow your child to lead. If your children are struggling to behave, begin to imitate or praise appropriate behavior that you want to see. For instance, you may notice that your children are fighting. Once your children are redirected, you would praise the actions it took for them to stop fighting. You could say, “I love how you put your hands to your side.”  

Avoid criticizing

When you consistently criticize your children, it does not help decrease poor behavioral choices and can actually increase the poor behavioral choices as a sign of rebellion or resistance. Additionally, it can create an increase in unpleasant interactions and tensions between you and your children. Instead of telling them what they cannot do, try telling them what they can do. Try to praise the behavior you want to see and be enthusiastic.

Ignore inappropriate behavior

By actively ignoring inappropriate behaviors, it can help decrease bad behaviors, and help your children notice the differences in your responses to good and poor behaviors with minimal effort on your part. Try describing appropriate behavior that you want to see more of. For example, if your children complain about cleaning up their room, you can respond by stating, “I love how you are cleaning your room and putting everything away.” You are ignoring their complaints and highlighting the positive behavior. 

Try implementing this model when interacting with your children even just for five minutes and see if it makes a difference!

Written by Jordan Adane, Candidate for Masters in Clinical Mental Health Counseling